I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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