Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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