toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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