Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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