also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
