found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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