i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
