When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize