My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
