if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
