So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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