i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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