That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize