Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
