i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
