Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize