fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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