So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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