My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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