Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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