Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
