so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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