At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
