Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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