It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
