Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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