Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
