He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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