I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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