Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
