it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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