I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
