There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
