I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
