dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
