im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
