so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
