The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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