Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
