I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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