I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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