he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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