I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
