I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You made out with two different species that night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
