"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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