Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
