i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
