Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
