I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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