so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
