i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
