Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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