u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
