wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are the jesus of drinking
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
