Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
