before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
