Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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