Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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