I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize