I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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