highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
