Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
