Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
