Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
