he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
