Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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