It's like God shit irony all over that family
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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