Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
