I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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