Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
