too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
