he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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