I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
