I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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