I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just invented taco cereal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
