none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
