dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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