so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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