New low: just hacked my moms facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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