what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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