do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize