My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
