Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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