You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
