just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
