Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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