I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
