vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
