How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
