I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
