Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize