the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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