So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
